so long 2010...bring it on, 2011

dude...can you believe 2010 is almost history? in some ways it feels like 2010 started yesterday. in most other ways though, it feels as if 2010 has been going on for well over a year. obviously impossible so that's good it's just in my head.

my favorite thing about ringing in a new year? setting new goals.

my least favorite thing about ringing in a new year? remembering to write 2011, not 2010, on checks and other forms/documents.

most interesting thing that happened to me in 2010? emily and i made a big move away from amazing friends and a nice town/area/routine...into unfamiliar territory and new things all around.

least interesting thing that happened to me in 2010? i only got my hair cut five times.

one thing i'm looking forward to the most in 2011? running the marathon in april.

one thing i'm dreading already in 2011? running the marathon in april. (see what i did there?)

one thing is for certain...2011 is going to rock. i hope it rocks for you as well. i know a ton of people have a New Year's resolution. i am way too cool for that though...ok, not really...i have one, or two. possibly three:

     1. emily and i have a "couples resolution" and it's basically to start living the lives we want to live. no matter what. we're going to stop making these lame excuses of why we're not doing what we want to be doing!

     2. my second resolution is to start eating real food. it's very simple...i'm going to eat real food. like...really 'real' food. we (meaning, myself and most people i know) live in a place where food is way too accessible/processed and people (including me) take advantage of it. in 2011...i won't!

     3. lastly, i'm making it a resolution to achieve my goals from my "goals for 2011" list (which i'll be blogging about soon). i almost feel like i'm tricking my mind on this one, by making this a New Year's's almost like i'm setting almost twenty more resolutions. 

jokes aside...i really hope you have an amazing 2011, set some awesome goals, and achieve them! you can do it. and besides...if you don't....who cares!? you still went for it!!



happy birthday to my dad

my dad is the man. that is the only way i can start this post. ever since i can remember (which i found out it is back to the age of 3) i've known my dad to be totally awesome! today is his 54th birthday. one of the coolest things about him being 54? answer, he runs about 20-25 miles every week and just ran a half marathon back in august (and i'm making him do another in april). so, when i say my dad is the now know what i mean.

rather than just getting him a funny card and a present (which of course we did) i thought it'd be cool to just do a fun list (go figure) of some things he's taught me in life, a few funny quirks, and maybe a few things in between.
  • he taught me how to eat an ice cream cone. that's right...there's a science to it. and my dad knows it.
  • he taught me how to shoot a plastic pop bottle cap across the room by snapping your fingers. i used to climb up in between the doorway in our living room and he'd shoot bottle caps at me from his chair. oh, the good ole' days. ( wasn't child was actually a blast!)
  • when i was real young and he'd mow the lawn with a rider (then when i got old enough he made me use a push mower) sometimes my mom would take me out there to sit on his lap while he mowed.
  • i used to be a "worker man" with him when he'd have to fix something in our house. apparently i'd put a rag in my back pocket just like him, too.
  • he showed me how to stack coins near your elbow, palm facing up back by your ear, and then swing your hand down catching the whole stack without losing any. i can probably do more than him, but whatever.
  • on that can put a quarter in the palm of your hand, he'll put his hand under yours and he'll be able to snatch the quarter from your hand before you can pull it away. i'd put money on it. a quarter probably.
  • he taught me how to play baseball. he was also my little league coach. which was cool.
  • he can whistle so loud that when i was a kid playing all the way down the block, he'd whistle before dinner and i'd hear it. ridiculous. i used to/just tried to learn how to do that...and cannot.
  • i brought him to show and tell in the second grade because he was an E.M.T.
  • sometimes when we'd be in church, he'd squeeze my knee and if i laughed because it tickled (happened everytime) he'd say it was because i was girl crazy.
  • he helped me make awesome pinewood dirby cars for cub scouts...and i'm sure my mom still has them in the attic.
  • he taught me how to fly a kite.
  • i used to help him do the chains for the high school football games. i was in charge of the clip (which is where the ball is on the field) and my mom claims it taught me responsibility. :)
  • i used to get a lot of r/c cars for Christmas and sometimes we'd go out to his work and i'd get to drive them all over the place. it was super awesome. especially the ramps we built.
  • he taught me how to fish when we used to go camping as a family every weekend.
  • he was always at my school functions or anything i had going on. he always has and always will support me in anything i do.
  • when i turned 16 and got my license, he told me good job and gave me twenty bucks to fill up my gas tank. maybe that's why he was so upset when i got those two speeding tickets in two weeks. nah.
  • he also taught me how to drive a stick shift. even though i suck at it...i don't blame him.
  • he basically taught me how to be a runner. with his little tips here and there and helping me get my first pair of running shoes...that was a big help with what has made me, me.
  • he has this hilarious quirk that has somehow been passed down to me. when a bag of chips or pretzels gets a little low, he HAS to cut off some of the top of the bag. i think it's so his hand/arm doesn't touch any of the bag? easier access? i don't know...i don't really care...all i I DO IT, TOO!
  • he has clearly passed down his sarcasm and quick humor to me. that i'm thankful for. i mean, come's awesome always having something funny to say.
  • apparently we walk and run the same. of course i look cooler but that's besides the point.
  • something i've realized as i've continued to grow up is how much i charish our friendship. he's not just a dad anymore...he's a best friend to me...and that is super rad and something i pray i never take for granted.
  • the most important thing my dad has taught me/showed me/passed down to me is how to be a gentleman. he's set an amazing example for what it takes to be a man of God and how to love. whether it be how he loves my mom, or how he has shown love to me and my sister, or shown love to others.
what can i say? my dad is the freakin' man. he's honestly the best dad in the world. the only way your dad is better is if he bought you a riding lawn mower when you were younger so you didn't have to use a push mower for the ENTIRE lawn. i'm not bitter about that though. it obviously taught me something in life.'s to you, dad. happy birthday!


marathon training (pregame)

there it is, folks. my marathon training plan i got off of hal higdon's website. i've heard of quite a few runners using a higdon training plan, so i figured what the heck. i'll give it a whirl. something like 1-4% of people have done a the world. that's pretty sweet.

the marathon i'm doing (as of right now) is the christie clinic illinois marathon. it's april 30th, so in order for me to utilize the 18 week plan 1 will be the day after Christmas. what a good Christmas present to myself, right? i'm actually really pumped. until quite recently...i haven't been running much due to a slight knee injury. i like to blame it on my job...not overuse or over-training (because i never overdo it...nerrrvver!!).

another cool thing about this is that i think i've got emily and my dad roped into running that day, too. i think they're both up for doing the half-marathon. they also have a 5K, 10K, wheelchair half, marathon relay, and even a youth run available. 

but anyway...the point of this whole post. i'm thinking about doing a "marathon training blogular updatish type of post" either daily or weekly. something like that. would that be cool at anyone? it would basically be a way for my readers to be able to follow my journey of training for my first marathon and all that goes along with it. the ups, the downs, aches, pains, nutrition, dieting, all that good stuff! i'm going to just tag them all as 'marathon training' so if you become a fan of just those can hop on my site and easily filter out all of the "other" updates. so, it wouldn't take place of my regular blog (don't worry). it'll be more of a supplemental feature to boost the enjoyment of reading my blog...if you're a fan of running of course. and if you're not...then you'll have the "other" posts to read/enjoy. it sounds like my blog is a bit segregated now, but i think it can be cool. 


three* things you gotta do to rock at life

that's correct...there are only three things. no more, no less. now you're glad you read my blog aren't you?

before i list off the three things you gotta do to rock at should know a little background to how i came up with writing this post. well, i've had a little time free up for the next few weeks because i found out last friday that i was getting laid off. fortunately, i'm going to be back to work on the fourth of january, so it's not really life or death. it did come as a shock and i was a bit upset at first, but i understand/am trying to understand that some things in life just don't make sense. like when people say "i could care less" when they really mean to say, "i couldn't care less." doesn't make sense to me...but that's for another post.

the three* things you gotta do to rock at this order:

1. be productive hopefully everyone knows what it feels like to be productive. the feeling you get when you realize you are getting SO much done throughout the day...that it almost feels like it should be tomorrow. that's what i'm talking about.
2. find/give love so, finding love is sometimes hard. some would argue that it could be impossible. well i disagree. although i'm not sure if "there is someone out there for everyone," i'm pretty sure i think that everyone is capable of giving love. and as far as finding love...well, you never really have to go too far if you think about it.
3. exercise i know, i know. exercise sucks. but does it really? most people who know me/used to know me definitely would say i was never much for exercising. in fact...i probably would've done just about anything to get out of exercising. nowadays...i love it! you've heard this from me before (probably), when we exercise...chemicals are released in our bodies that make us feel good. you can't beat that. i're human, right? because most humans i know continue to do things that make them feel good. we're creatures of habit.

good luck rocking at life!

*most likely there are a few more than just three, but today...when i'm feeling productive, ran 4 miles outside in 10 degree weather, and miss my wife really feels like three pretty much covers it.


remember when tv was cool?

i was on good ole facebook this morning and saw that people are changing their profile pictures to a cartoon character from their childhood. i chose darkwing can check it out here. i think it's for child abuse awareness? i actually think april is national child abuse awareness month, but i could be wrong. i'm not trying to be a snot, i was just confused. either was really fun to find websites about old tv shows i used to watch as a kid. took me waaaaaaay back.

i came across this awesome website called retro junk. you can search movies, shows, commercials, even people from the 70's, 80's, and 90's. seeing all of the stuff on there from my childhood was insane. i'm fortunate enough to have amazing childhood memories. the ones that when you think literally makes you wish you were a kid again. then i think about what it'll be like when i'm 40..and then 50...and then 60...and then..well, i think that's far enough into the future for now.

some of my favorites were cartoons like, darkwing duck, tale spin, chip n dale rescue rangers, duck tales, teenage mutant ninja turtles, bobby's world, inspector gadget was pretty much the man, too. oh, and of course ghostbusters. i'm pretty sure i could keep going for quite sometime with this.

probably one of my favorite shows growing up was CHiPs. i remember my best friend back in the day would come over in the morning before school for breakfast (most times we'd devour a dozen blueberry muffins) and we'd watch that show. of course macgyver was top on the list, too. and who can ever forget full house?

it's completely crazy how watching something or hearing about something from your childhood can just ignite all of the memories and flood your brain. i love the feeling i get from watching all of these intro's to shows i used to watch. for some of them i can literally remember a particular time of watching the show. a saturday morning...after school...late at night...and even where i was sitting in our living room and how my mom had the room set up (she rearranges the living room a lot.) it's a little bittersweet sometimes because there are people who are close to me that aren't as fortunate to have such positive childhood memories. to be honest, it feels a little unfair. i mean, every child deserves to have an awesome childhood. luckily, i have the best parents in the world (no, seriously...mine are better than yours) and they are great teachers. they set/still set a good example of what it takes to be amazing parents. it gives me hope that i might make a good dad someday and give a kid a great childhood! one worth remembering and reminiscing about for their whole life.


there's no 'X' in Christmas

Christmas feels different this year. i'm not exactly sure why. most years i have that, "i'm getting old...really wish i was a kid again because Christmas felt so much cooler back then" feeling, but this year...not so much. this year i'm feeling all sentimental, which really isn't abnormal for me, but it's packaged nicely with a feeling of a feeling i can't put into words. confusing, i know! most dudes don't even like to talk about their feelings and here i am talking about the feeling of a feeling. if i figure out how to describe it i'll come back to this thought.

this Christmas season i'm determined to watch every Christmas movie i used to love, or currently love. here's a working list i've come up with so far, in no particular order:

-national lampoon's Christmas vacation
-home alone
-white Christmas
-it's a wonderful life
-a Christmas story
-a charlie brown Christmas
-how the grinch stole Christmas
-frosty the snowman
-rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
-a very brady Christmas...just kidding


'tis the season to be freezin'

i do work outside.
sometimes it is really cold.
other times just cold.

like my haiku? it's an original. thanks.

on a brighter, and much more exciting note, thanksgiving (tday as my buddy steve-o would say) is only a couple days away! woot to an 11. and you know what that means, right? Christmas season starts the DAY AFTER!!!! now, you know by now that i rarely capitalize letters...only in super-extremely-serious-situations. and this is one, my friends.

why does Christmas keep getting earlier and earlier every year? next year it's going to be right after labor day, you know? i heard on the radio this moring that nordstroms doesn't decorate for Christmas until the day after "tday". so? big SHOULD be that way. right, kimberly?

growing up...we HAD to wait until after thanksgiving was over until we went into Christmas season. in fact, my family would sometimes have our relatives over on the saturday after thanksgiving. honestly...within probably ten minutes after they all left that family would be setting up the house for Christmas. it was great! as long as i got to set up the tiny angel singers.

happy thanksgiving, everyone. a few things i'm thankful for this year:

-a job
-my wife
-my guitars
-my friends
-a roof
-a healthy immune system
-my family
-most importantly...avanti's vegetable gondolas


taking the REAL plunge

it's the lame thing to say to a guy/gal who's getting married...."taking the plunge." sorry if you're a fan of saying that to people. not really though. but a little. mostly not.

emily and i had been talking quite a bit about being baptized. we were both sprinkled as infants, but being fully immersed was something we both felt God was laying on our hearts for the past several months. it was tough to think about, sometimes to talk about, since baptism in a Biblical sense is such a debatable topic. some think sprinkling is fine, others say full immersion is the way to go. fortunately for us (ALL humans), getting baptized doesn't get you into i guess technically it doesn't matter? kind of does. for me personally, taking that step to be fully immersed wasn't my way of correcting the way i was sprinkled as an infant. it was simply my way of taking another step, or making more of a commitment to God. also...strictly my OWN opinion, while understanding that everyone has one, i do feel that when the Bible talks about baptisms...i feel it's referring to full immersion. my father-in-law said a cool thing once when we were talking about it. he said that the best way to deal with such debatable topics in the's best just to give grace. basically, some people are going to think i'm wrong for saying the Bible means full immersion, and others are going to say they agree with me...but being baptized is NOT what gets you into Heaven. thank God it's not.

another cool way to look at it: in majority of cases, when a couple gets married...they exchange wedding rings. the day after the wedding ceremony, if they walk outside together and one of them has their ring on and the other doesn't...they are STILL married. because of the words they exchanged, because of the commitment they made to each other. and that, my what it's all about! committing your life to the Lord and accepting that Jesus Christ died for you, so that you can have a gift of eternal life. that's what it comes down to. not if you were sprinkled as an infant...or fully immersed. not if you pray 132 times a day. not if you haven't missed a church service since 1974. not if you wear a w.w.j.d. bracelet. not if you donate thousands of dollars to missionaries. not because you tell people that Jesus loves them. not because you read your Bible every single day and can spew out Bible verse after Bible verse that you've been memorizing since VBS back in 1988. don't get me wrong...all of those things are great, but i fear that some people miss the mark on what being a Christian is really about. it's about JESUS, loving HIM, trying to live like HIM, and loving EVERYONE else along the way.

another really awesome thing that went hand in hand with this experience. besides the fact that emily was baptized too...both of my parents actually decided to be baptized as well. they were both sprinkled previously, but when emily and i mentioned that we were going to be doing this...they felt called to "take the plunge" as well. so, in front of our family and some awesome friends of ours, Pastor Mike Baker from Eastview Christian Church did the baptism for all four of us and it was completely awesome!


quick apology

to anyone who has left a comment on my blog or will leave a comment on my blog in the future:

i am sorry that i don't reply to all of them. apparently, i am terrible at checking to see if people comment. i was also under the impression that i'd receive an email alert when people commented. my bad, dudes.

i will be better from now on.

p.s. i'm still on that tom petty kick. today my parents called me and asked what i was up to. i told my dad, "just chillin...listening to some tom petty." after he laughed, he said, "i like some of his stuff...but he kinda looks squirrely though don't you think?" and now i see it. thanks, dad! i'm going to ask for the live anthology for Christmas.....and probably the runnin' down a dream dvd set. i still remember the first time i heard the song mary jane's last dance. i was really young, hanging out with sam dalton playing basketball in my driveway late at night. it came on the radio and i remember thinking, "this is good music...i wish i could play the harmonica."


the world is for lovers

we've heard it before. "why can't we all just get along?" well...why can't we? there's plenty of reasons i can think of, but all of them suck. sure, we can disagree with something someone says or does, but what right do we have to not love them? of course i'm not talking about the kind of love we feel for a significant other or a relative or a good friend...i simply mean love. plain and for others!

i came across this hilarious website while doing a little research on this post. does that make me a nerd? quite possibly. anyway...i think we can all take a few notes from it and maybe try to apply it to our lives.

for anyone who's intersted in a really cool Bible verse that i think really rocks this idea, check this out:

Galatians 5:13 (The Message)

13-15It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

i love you all...and promise to start showing it more!

p.s. i've been on a total tom petty kick lately.


feeling guilty

why is life so hard? why do i ask myself that while knowing that life is MUCH harder for others? i mean...they say nearly a billion people suffer from starvation. that's roughly one in six humans, right? yet, when i get home from work i say, "i'm starving...i need to get a snack!" so what do i do? i no longer use the word 'starving'. i'm trying to delete it from my vocabulary. big deal...this doesn't really do anything for anyone...and that's hard.

this is my battle tonight. feeling guilty for thinking my life is hard. feeling guilty for thinking my "plans" aren't working out the way i want them to. feeling guilty for thinking i wish i made more money. feeling guilty for wishing i had what others have. feeling guilty for wishing i had more time in the day. feeling guilty for not praying for people who are going through a tough time...when i told them i would. feeling guilty for taking things for granted. feeling guilty for stuff!

–adjective, guilt·i·er, guilt·i·est.
1. having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral or penal law; justly subject to a certain accusation or penalty; culpable: The jury found her guilty of murder.
2. characterized by, connected with, or involving guilt: guilty intent.
3. having or showing a sense of guilt, whether real or imagined: a guilty conscience.

the bright side? attitudes are made to be i'm trying to change my attitude and get a new perspective. nuf sed.


number one with a bullet

so, check it. i'm a music snob, okay? okay. now that we've got that cleared up and there is no argument from my side...we can move on. hopefully my snobitude won't offend anyone too much in this post.

recently, while hanging out with emily and my best friend, brett, i told them i had a list of my top five most disliked songs of all time. this came up when one of the songs off my list came on at a restaurant we were at. i said, "oh, man...this is one song that tops my list of songs i cannot stand!" they couldn't believe it. for a couple reasons. one, both of them didn't mind the song. two, who really has a list of songs they don't like...or lists in general? me. making lists is where it's at.

my top five songs (not artists, just their songs) i cannot stand, will not ever like, and wish i would never hear again (from least to most dislike):

5. saturday nights alright for fighting by elton john // i can't stand this song simply because the ending and how he repeats/yells "saturday" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again...and then a few more times
4. i love rock and roll by joan jett and the blackhearts // to be honest...guitar hero wrecked this one for me.
3. sweet home alabama by lynyrd skynrd // although i've never been to is not my sweet home. and unfortunately i don't have a specific reason to disliking this song.
2. with arms wide open by creed // i know i said i didn't necessarily dislike the artist of the songs...but seriously, anything by creed is a no go for me.
1. american pie by don mclean // i always feel kind of guilty about this one simply because of the "musical history" he wrote about...but it's still nine minutes too long. and the fact that websites like this exist is just insane.

i know it's obnoxious to make this list, but i had to put it out there. you may love one of these songs, maybe all of them, and that's okay (sort of) if you do. everyone is entitled to their own opinion of what they like/dislike. i'm just the one with the blog that spends the time to do stuff like this. but feel free to leave a comment if you feel the need.

i was really hoping to be able to come up with my top 5 favorite songs of all time, but quickly realized that would actually make me more insane trying to come up with just five. i'd almost prefer to listen to one of these songs above...not really though.


every little thing gonna be alright

have you ever had a day start out alright...and then end awful? maybe something happened. maybe nothing happened. you just get in a funk? i'm there, man. out of left field today...i realized i was in a horrible mood. i figured my blog should be totally honest and not just include posts from "happy, optimistic tony," but also include a post or two from "today sucks, lets move on tony." the goal here is not to bring you down, but to somehow lift you up and possibly help you feel better about your day. quick warning...this could very easily flop and just upset everyone who reads it (good thing only four people read it.)

Alright, lets do this...short and simple, so i can go watch hawaii five-0. did i mention i suck when i'm in a bad mood.

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philipians 4:6-7 NLT

seriously? don't worry about anything? problem. that part alone makes me worry. pray about everything? easy enough...except when you're like me and have "prayer-a.d.d." and find yourself making your way back to God after realizing you stopped praying minutes/hours ago without even finishing your thought. now, telling God what i need...i am good at that (except most of them are probably wants). thanking Him for all He has done...i'm working on that. i've heard before to start praying with all you're thankful for and don't ask for anything until the end of the'll begin to realize you might not need that much and start to realize how much you are thankful for. God's peace...yeah i want that, especially if it guards my heart and mind. this scripture hit me tonight. it's like i realized tonight that God knows i mess up. like i was somehow able to hide it before...or sneak by under the radar. how could i make God so small?

that scripture above is something i wish i read every morning. then why don't i? no excuse to give...just an overall bad decision.

the good news (finally!) is that God is forgiving and ALWAYS there!

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 NLT



does david bowie freak anyone else out?

i wonder why so many people don't like change. big or little, some people just don't want it. they're good with a mundane life where everything is routine. don't get me wrong...i definitely like a routine and feeling like i have things planned out, but what fun is it to stay the same?

you know now from reading one of my previous posts that i've made a few changes in my life over the past couple of years. before that i don't think i was really into change. so what changed in me to cause me to like change? is that a paradox? for me, personally, i was just fed up with being overweight. all it took was that one time looking into a mirror and thinking, "dude...what the what? you need change!"

it's funny how people can react to your change though. for example: person A (we'll call him Bill) is living a "not-so-by-the-book-kinda-life" and on a downhill path to nowhere (because obviously a downhill path can't lead anywhere good...know why? cause once you're at the bottom you have to get back to where you came from...and that is up and harder to get to. what?) anyway, person B (we'll call him Lameface, yes that is a real name...i think it's french) hasn't seen Bill for quite a while and then one day hears an update about him and this is where weirdness happens. some people (i wish it were 'most') would say something like this to Bill, "wow-wee bill, what a great thing you've know...changing...for the better. previously you weren't so cool, but now that you've're pretty cool!" but then there are other people, like Lameface, that realize they haven't done any changing for the better and are possibly a bit upset about they decide to try and knock Bill down a few notches by bringing up his past. you get where i'm going? you pickin' up what i'm puttin' down? sorry i said that.

to help better explain this "i changed but my friend didn't and now he won't stop calling me out on my past theory" i've included some artwork. enjoy.


it's all about how you look

that's right...i said it. appearance is everything. well, at least in the blogosphere i've found. the tim gunn of blogs made me aware that my blog...looked like crap. and as i'm sure so many of you were wondering where i've been since you follow me so religously and wait on the edge of your seats daily for a post by yours truly...i felt the need to explain my absence.

well, there you have it. i'm getting a makeover...well, my blogo is. how many different words/terms include the root word 'blog' anyway?

see you soon.



my trifecta: music + writing + love = ___________________

the blank is the most exciting part. most times i have no idea what will be there. in today's was a song that i wrote. i know you're probably thinking that's an obvious outcome when you combine the three, but it's not always true in my case. a lot of times it's just thoughts. boooring.

when i listen to music...i'm constantly breaking it down. anything from the lyrics and what they REALLY the guitar parts and what they REALLY mean. i listen for background noise, too. i always try to put myself in situations where i can apply the song to my life and break it down that way. in case that doesn't make any sense...i basically overanalyze music to the point where it's borderline obsession/psychotherapy.

writing to me is not a form of therapy. i'm not the type of person that goes through some situation and thinks, "dude...i have to get this down on paper or else i'll explode." i simply see it as more of a way to express my ideas/thoughts/personal findings/beliefs. that doesn't even make sense to me, so don't feel bad. awesome. did you know that the philadelphia international airport is the best airport for making a love connection, according to an online survey. seriously, i guess if you're on the hunt for that special someone...schedule a flight there.

anyway...back to the part about the song i wrote. my, writing, and love. all three were involved/happening when i was working on this new song i was calling "fight." creepy part is...i titled it before i had lyrics...dun dun dun! it'd be really cool if i had it recorded and i could put the song up here for all to hear...but i can't at this time.

this is what happened: a few weeks ago i wrote this cool guitar part and wrote it down. then, i kept playing it and kept changing things here and there until i liked what i heard. about a week ago i wrote some lyrics down and tried it out. it sounded me. i played it for emily (she's my honest critic) and she gave me some classic "emily's corrections to make this sound better, please don't hate me for being honest, but i think it could sound better, even though it sounds okay now, it should sound better than okay, please still love me" advice on how to make it better. i made the changes..and yes, it was better...and i still love her.

so today...i'm playing through the song and i make another small change. then it turned into the saddest song i've ever written and i think it's incredibly depressing. it's a song about divorce. see why the title is so creepy now? most people know that musicians don't always write about their own lives. obviously in this case...this is one of those occasions where the song isn't about me personally.

back in high school, i had quite a few close friends with divorced parents. i can actually remember each of them telling me when it happened. at the reaction had to be meaningless. they knew i'd never gone through it, so what would i feel? mostly true...all i could do is feel bad and try to love that person through their tough time. hopefully i did some good. that's what i learned/re-learned through this song. no matter what happens to you, someone you know, or a complete is always present. lennon was right...all you need is love. so now the "BOOYAH" part: if all YOU need is love...where are you getting it? is it healthy? if it's true love it is. this could very easily turn into some sort of "you need Jesus" speech..and as much as i believe that to be true...i really just want to love you and everyone else in the entire world. don't you think that if every human had this approach to life...the world would be a little better? please don't take this the wrong way...i didn't invent this and i'm not saying i'm the only person trying to live this way. there are TONS of people doing a way better job loving others than i am. i'm simply stating what i'm striving to do and hope that it might motivate someone to do the same. have you ever seen the powers of ten video? the universe is what? like we can't make an impact by loving people. yeah, i guess you're right...we might as well not even try. ORRRRR...we could make an all out attempt at changing the world and making it as awesome as possible!

"love to an 11!"



today is me and emily's 3 year wedding anniversary. should i have put "emily and i's" or "emily and me's" in that previous sentence? man, i don't know. that's also a rhetorical question, so don't try and be Mr./Mrs. English and correct me. anyway, instead of doing the typical, like going on national television to tell her i love her. or having a famous person sing for her. or taking her up in a hot air balloon to watch a sunset with wine....i'm going to write some random (in no particular order) reasons i love my wife and why she's the beez neez.

-she’s beautiful, inside and out.
-she’s a runner.
-she supports me in almost everything i want to do. (she won’t let me die my hair black anymore)
-she loves great music.
-she dresses really cool.
-she's hilarious!
-she loves the Lord.
-she can sing.
-she loves to have random dance parties in places such as old navy, our bedroom, and/or any other place where dancing might be looked at as “odd.”
-she has the same passion in life as i do.
-she has been married to me for 3 years now and i'm pretty sure that she really wants to or else i think she would've left by now.

there are a TON more, but i have to save them for future anniversaries. can't use up all my bullets at once. funny that i used bullets in my list isn't it?

i'll now end this post with some words of wisdom i came across:
"Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute."


support YOUR troops

friends are cool, right? at least in your opinion. they could be total geeks, but if you get along great with geeks...then you think they're cool. chances are they think your cool, too. you've heard it before: "friendship is a two way road." well you know what happens on two way crashes, road kill, potholes, broke down cars, slow farm tractors, getting pulled over by the cops...bad things can happen. bare with me here, i promise i'm getting to what i believe to be a "cool point."

lately (mostly since i started this blog) i've noticed how good i feel when people actual make an effort to let me know that they support what i do by giving me words of affirmation. "hey tony, good job on that run." "wow look great." "tony, your blog is the best thing i've read since the Bible." "dude..tony...i want to be you." ('s not quite like that, but you get what i'm saying.) and of course when someone would tell me i'm doing a good job or doing something cool before i'd always feel good, but lately it's been different. not sure why, but it has. maybe that's what changes when you turn 25?

all i'm saying is that it's awesome when someone who you may know well, or barely know at all, goes out of their way to say good job to you for something you're doing. i think to myself, "you didn't have to say that to me...why did you say that? you obviously actually mean it, right?" i believe the answer to be "yes" in majority of cases. if someone were to come up to you and say "good job" or "keep up the good work" and later you find out they were just being facetious you should slap them in the head (don't really do that, maybe the infamous stink eye will suffice.)

so go and support your troops. all of your friends and loved ones who are doing something that's worth a "good job" or an "attaboy" (i guess "attaperson" would be more p.c. these days) deserve to hear it! the coolest part about doing something good for someone else is the feeling you get from it. it's scientifically proven that chemicals are released in your body that give you a good feeling after doing something good. that's actually true...not just me being obnoxious. ask emily, she's a psychology major. maybe even a cooler thing than that (it's a tie between this and the first cool thing) is that the person who receives the verbal support will be more apt to tell someone else they know that they're doing a great job at something because they know how boss it felt to hear it from you. and then they'll tell 10 friends, and they'll tell 10 friends, and they'll tell 10 friends, and they'll tell 10 friends, and they'll tell 10 friends...... should still support our troops, too. you, the soldiers. they are awesome and don't receive enough credit for what they do.


ok...what now?

warning: this post involves running and i might mention Jesus (just to warn people who don't like to hear/read about those things...which i think is sad, but that's just my opinion.)

anyway...the 1/2 marathon is done. praise Jesus! hey look...i just mentioned the two things i warned you about in the first two sentences. ironic. seriously though...the 1/2 was hard. i guess it was as hard as i expected it to be though. after all...i ran 13.1 miles in 1:53:54 (i'm going to try not to feel like i'm bragging about that. it's also quite humbling to know that the dude who won this race did it in a little over an hour.) but in a nutshell, the race went well.

the wait before a race always sucks. i get antsy and i just want to RUN! but finally we got going and i was feeling pretty good, keeping a good pace throughout the run until about mile 9. during my training, when i ran the 13.1 miles, this was about the exact same spot where i started feeling 'it' ('it', for me, is when your mind gets a second wind and catches your body off-guard and begins to convince you to stop running.) now, i took water at mile 7, so i figured i wasn't dehydrated and was just being a baby. well, 9 going into 10 finally went by and then came 11. stupid mile 11. that's when i started feeling the hills and the humidity (along with 'it' of course.) i took some more water around this time and then went into a hill...and then it happened...i was walking. i was so mad at myself. i told myself before the race that i would not walk. i distinctly remember telling myself that i would NOT was right after i said i was going to overdo it (hmmm? i was foolish). you don't go to a 1/2 marathon (or any road race for that matter) to walk. unfortunately, this race, i did. i took a couple of 10 second walk breaks and then got going again. i finally made it over the last big hill and saw the crowd by the finish line. the best part was at the end of the route we finished around the track at the high school. it felt kind of cool running around the track and to finish in front of a crowd. i ran the track as hard as i could and finished strong. although i was frustrated for a few hours after the race about walking, i told myself that these things i even beat my goal by over a minute, so i technically had NOTHING to complain about. but sometimes i'm a complainer. it was also a pride thing...i'll be honest. but to every problem there is a solution, right? isn't there? well, my solution was/is to train myself better so i can pace myself so that i'll never walk again during a race. my dad has this little saying he likes that i've grown quite fond of as well, "i hate to run, but i love to finish." that sums it up for me.

"suffering is optional."

i got that quote from a book i just got done reading, "what i talk about when i talk about running" by haruki murakami. he's run over 24 marathons, a bunch of triathlons, and even dabbled in the ultramarathon area. the dude is a runner to look up to, enough said. in his book he talks about his life as a runner and also a novelist. it's really interesting to me to learn about other people's lives. in a "non-creeper, i'm-truly-interested-in-how-you-live" type of way of course. the biggest thing, and i think the best thing, i learned from his book was this: sometimes you have bad experiences while running. he told quite a few stories about a marathon, or a triathlon, that went horribly wrong but he still learned something from it. i'm the type of guy that struggles when something happens that i felt like i could've controlled. does that make any sense? if i could've done something different to prevent _____ from happening, then why didn't i? that's the type of question i dwell on after i finish my first 1/2 marathon wondering why i had to walk that little bit. well, add this to the "things i've learned so far" list: "Reaching the finish line, never walking, and enjoying the race. These three, in this order, are my goals."


basically, i loved that Murakami said these three goals he has in his book, and it stood out to me. of course when i first read it i applied it to future races i'll be running, but sometimes i like to think a little cheesier and more cliche and applied it to life in general (which is a great mxpx album.) the finish line being my ultimate goal(s) in life...definitely not easy to get to, but ALL possible if i stick with it and keep one foot moving in front of the other. never walking...i learned my lesson on this one. it has an affect on your mind...once you slow down and lose momentum it makes the rest of the "race" even more difficult. the last thing he says is to enjoy the race. for me personally...i might put this at the number one spot. enjoy life...enjoy what you do. anything and everything...enjoy it! why not? you're not here forever. and your loved ones aren't here forever either. "don't get caught in the season of life you're in now...seasons change." i heard that on the radio earlier today. i'm beginning to think the meaning of this post is to overload you (the reader) with cheesiness and lack of orginality. i think my "segway" segway was pretty original though...

oh, and i almost forgot. the title of this post is actually the point of this whole, long, random group of words i call writing. my next goal is of course...a full marathon. i'm going to do it. it's just a matter of when. it reminds me of that question on job applications that reads: "Are you the type of person who looks for more work, without being told what to do, after you complete the task you're working on?"

"one final thought" (you have to say that like andy rooney from 60 minutes..that guy is a nut) my cool dad and hot wife (i'm good at thinking of adjectives) also ran this 1/2 marathon and rocked it to an 11! high 5's to them as well.


things i've learned (so far)

i saw a sign in front of a church the other day: "i've learned two things in life so far, there is a God and i am not Him." i love reading all of the signs out front of church's because most of them are pretty cheesy and easy to laugh at. does that make me a bad person? this one in particular inspired me...and now you're thinking, "cool, he was inspired to do something spiritual." in fact i was, it inspired me to blog.

i started to think of all the things i've learned in life so far. to be honest, i feel like it should be a LOT more, but that's ok. i still have a lot of living to do, God willing. that reminds me...ray lamontagne's new cd "God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise" is amazing! back on track (it is 4:30am you know). i was suppose to go to the gym to lift this morning. i go every monday, wednesday, and friday...i know, i know...i'm such a gym rat. i figured you could tell by my jacked muscles. since i'm doing the half marathon tomorrow, i decided (emily suggested) that i take today off. i was going to be stubborn and go, but once i was up and got moving i soon realized (this is one thing i've learned) that i do need to take it easy today. so this blog is in place of my workout and boy are my fingers tired!

things i've learned in life (so far):
1. God does indeed exist
2. love is real (not to be cliche, but i have the best wife)
3. nothing is impossible
4. people CAN be amazing (all people)
5. math is mostly pointless
6. people in indianna drive the worst
7. money is the root of all evil
8. some people have it rough (meaning: i need to try to put myself in someone else's shoes before i think anything about them or where they've been)
9. america is the land of the free and the home of the brave
10. cell phones are the devil
11. music is therapy
12. being healthy is fun
13. working a job you don't want to do is insane
14. i can't grow a beard
15. i do actually like cats
16. "it's not what you know, it's who you know." (thanks mr. sax..the only thing i learned in high school)
17. crying is not just for girls
18. reading is actually enjoyable when you're reading something you WANT to read
19. having two loving parents who love the Lord is awesome
20. riding a wheely on a bike is hard (not impossible...see #3)
21. i can trim my finger nails too short
22. i cannot stand facebook, yet i still use it because "i want to keep in touch"
23. some people will always think they know more than you
24. sledding is a great time
25. even though college debt is awful, i think i might've learned the most about life during these years
26. cars are not toys (most of the time)
27. there are women's jeans and men's jeans for a reason
28. there are people who need my help
29. losing a loved one is one of the hardest things to experience
30. you really do not want to pee into the wind
31. the news on television is negative
32. be continued (i didn't actually learn this, well, i guess i learned that phrase...but you get what i'm saying here.)

please don't assume this is all that i've learned. i don't want you to think that i didn't learn more in life...i just really have to go to work (see #13.) one cool thing i suggest you try is to think of all the things in life you've learned so far. it's actually a really cool experience: it helps you realize you still have a LOT to learn.

"I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday."
-Abraham Lincoln (my favorite president...dang, that could've been a great #32)


optimism sucks

being an optimist is tough. let's be honest...being happy/positive is tough to do in a world that is so incredibly messed up. you ever notice that when you're in a good mood/having a good're an optimist? but let's say you've had a crappy day, nothing has gone right...all you want to do is slap an optimist in the face and scream, "be realistic!" right? oh..well for me that's how it is.

best example i can give: a typical sunday - i get to sleep in, i don't have to go the gym to lift, most sundays are an off day of running, so i basically get to be lazy. i wake up as late as possible, shower/get ready, listen to music, go to church, spend quality time with my wife and see some family. life is at an 11, so i'm an optimist. then comes monday...i'm still holding strong to my optimistic thought pattern and still feeling the "sunday high," but i start to have a few pessimistic thoughts and let the little things start to get me. and then on tuesday something happens at your workplace that sets you off and there it went. remember what it was like to be optimistic? me freakin' too.

so, my question is this: why is it SO hard to be an optimist, consistently? is it really because the world sucks? that seems like a cop out. is it really because our lives are so hard? doubt it. i know some people have it rough, so maybe that's legit. but could it be that it's just plain impossible to be optimistic everyday? maybe? does it really matter, tony? not really? why so many questions? i don't know. probably the same reason a kid on a bike came up to me at work today and fired of these brain busters, "what are you doing? why are you just sitting in your truck? what are those cones for? are you going to the pool today?"

ultimately, i just want to figure out how to be an optimist, all the time. i guess i'll still call myself an optimist...but there are plenty of days where i suck at it. does that make me a hypocrite? crap.


"goals are dreams with deadlines"

running is one of my favorite things to do. it's a stress reliever. it helps me get some fresh air. it gives me quality time with God. and to top it off...i burn quite a few calories doing it, which is always a plus.

i started running during my weight loss era and it actually stuck with me. before i got "healthy" my mom always worked out and ran and did that lame stuff, but i never paid any attention to it. then, my dad (who was a bit overweight) started getting into running and really liked it...and ended up losing a lot of weight, too. still, at this point, i wasn't buying it. my infamous saying was, "i only run if i'm being chased." fortunately for me...i rarely got chased, so things worked out pretty well for me as far as running went.

it was one of the best things to happen to me though: mentally, physically, spiritually, even emotionally...running has been a great experience. the hardest part is getting started. it sucks in the beginning. who am i can suck pretty bad once you're in it for awhile, too. it's just like anything else gotta stick to it and keep at it.

right now emily and i are training for a half-marathon that's on august 21 (12 days 21 hours 22 minutes 39 seconds away.) my dad also made the mistake of saying he'd do it with me, so he got signed up for it as well. when i got serious about running i made it a goal to do a 5K, 10K, a half, and a full marathon. finally, we're at the point in this post where you figure out what it's all about: goals. according to wikipedia (the official online encyclopedia/information know-all of everything that is good and is always 100% accurate) a goal is "a projected state of affairs that a person or a system plans or intends to achieve." i think it's so important for people to have goals in life. it gives you something to work toward. it gives people a purpose. no matter what're striving to reach your goal(s) and nothing can stop you, right? mostly. i'm more of a believer in the saying, "only you can prevent yourself from reaching your goals." but there aren't too many feelings out there better than reaching a goal you've set. maybe during the summer in the middle of the night when you flip over your pillow to the "cool" know what i'm talking about. other than that though...nothing.

so...the challenge is: set a goal. a short term goal or a long term goal. or both! and then, achieve it! if you've just recently achieved a goal...AWESOME!! how'd it feel? that's set another! life is all about setting goals.

was this a really cheesy, wannabe motivational post? sorry.


grace and gratitude

first off...i am not a preacher. believe it or not...i'm not saying i am or pretending to be. recently, i heard a really cool definition of christianity: one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread. this pretty much rocked my world when i heard it. it's so...simple? too simple? probably. actually...yes, it is.

i guess i need to mention that i am a Christian. now, before you bail on this blog screaming "Bible thumper," please hear me out. when i say that i am a Christian...i mean i follow Jesus Christ and believe that He died on a cross for me (and you), so that i (and you) can have the amazing gift of eternal life (if we accept it.) i'm not really one to cram the Bible down people's throats, or take Bible tracts to wal-mart and leave them next to the toilet to give someone that's going to hell a good read while they try not to think of the fact that they're sitting on a wal-mart toilet (it's awful, right? i know.) anyway, up until just recently (it's embarassing actually) i was stuck in some idea that flowed through my mind/heart that said that it was enough for me to accept Christ and just live life "the way i'm suppose to" and everything will be cool in the long run (meaning: i'll get into heaven and someday i'd be able to go out for an easy three with Jesus.)

my wife (emily) and i are reading an amazing book called "radical" by a pastor named david platt. in a nutshell...he basically calls us all out on making the Gospel into what we want it to be. it's about taking it back to the basics...the way the Bible is meant to be. it's all about challenging us to feel/hear/speak/want the Gospel according to Jesus. so, one could imagine after diving into this book i've been wanting to be a bit more "radical" with my spirituality. i know it's cheesy, but i believe this book is really awesome!

yesterday in a sermon the pastor was preaching on gratitude. i mean, come one, the first verse he opened with was Ephesians 5:20 which says, "and give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." are you guessing which word was underlined? it wasn't 'thanks' was actually the word 'everything.' easier said than done, right? being thankful for everything? the good and the bad? i thought the bad was from the devil...why would i want to thank that jerk?

the final little thing the pastor told us to write down sealed the deal for me. he said, "when grace flows in, gratitude fills up, and generosity flows out." this right here sums it all up. for me anyway, it means, Jesus dying on a cross for me was a true depiction of grace, then if i work on my gratitude filling up, more generosity will flow out of me. if i "think about my thanks" then i start to gain a new perspective on filled with gratitude for everything...not just the things i think i should be grateful for. see how it's starting to connect with the book emily and i reading? yeah...crazy stuff!

the challenge for me is to be consistent with my gratitude so that it continues to fill up so much i am overflowing with generosity...which will hopefully bring people to Christ. sure, yesterday and most of today it was easy for me to be grateful...but what's going to happen on thursday when i'm tired and have forgotten some of the sermon? am i going to let my perspective change back? i pray that it won't.

"this is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
-Psalm 118:24 (niv)


the shirt that changed my life

warning: this blog is a bit...braggy. i don't mean it to be. it's just a cool story that is worth sharing that may or may not motivate people.

so...if you knew me over two years ago, you know that i was not "healthy." in fact...i couldn't have cared less about health. you could tell this because i weighed 235 pounds by the summer of 2008. trust me, i have plenty of hilarious (not really though) pictures to prove it. i actually have a before and after slideshow that is definitely worth a watch.

i never knew i was heavy. i never thought much about it. actually, i don't really remember feeling heavy, or remembering even noticing i was heavy, until just a few years ago. so what did i do? i tried losing weight. it sucked. bad. i started to "watch what i ate." you know...i literally "watched all the junk food i ate"...and that upset me even more. i also started to run a little. which was also miserable! running sucks in the beginning. it was the classic, "i'm so frustrated i'll now drop 20 pounds" type of thinking. which didn't work. this went on for a long time. and then it happened. i called jenny craig and my problems were resolved. JUST KIDDING...just making sure you're still reading. it all started when i went shopping to get a new shirt for a picture i was having done for the cover of my first cd i released. if you have that album (which was released in july 2008) you can look at the picture of me on the front and you'll see the shirt that changed my life. i remember being in the store, trying clothes on, and being disgusted with what i saw in the mirror. it's like the minute before i was blind, then i put this shirt on, and i saw myself for the first time. i remember seeing the fear in emily's eyes as i came out of the fitting room. i think she knew then that it was different this time. my thought process on losing weight was changed. i was officially determined.

and so it began...i started watching what i ate and started exercising. i actually learned how to count calories and started monitoring this daily. i even put back on my running shoes. i stuck with this for the longest time i'd ever gone before. i think i was up to an entire week. THEN, the coolest thing happened...i stepped on a scale. i dropped weight. that's all it took for me. i needed to see the results to gain the motivation and the drive to keep going. so that's what i did. i kept tracking every single calorie i consumed and kept running and running and running and running. i felt like forrest gump during the part where he is young and he starts running and all of a sudden his braces on his legs come flying off...but for me, the leg braces obviously were a symbol for my fat. i think that was a good analogy, right?

fast forward a couple years (to 2009) and i was there. my goal weight. it was unbelievable...honestly, it still is unbelievable. to think back on what i accomplished is a great thing. but the coolest thing of all is to think of all the other people that have done it, and will do it in the future. that is what pumps me up even more. anyone can do it. and i want everyone that needs to lose do it! all it takes is getting started...and sticking to it.

i'm a completely different person now. i lost 65 pounds total. i eat healthy and can probably tell you the calories per serving in 75% of the food in a grocery store. i kept running and have ran (and placed) in a 5K and a 10K. i'm currently training for a half-marathon that is in exactly 26 days 22 hours 2 minutes and 47 seconds. after guessed it...i'm training for a full marathon. after that..well we'll see. i even do strength training a few days a week. who would've thought..tony gould in a gym..lifting weights. i do still count calories and track all of the food i eat...and i might be a bit too much of a health nut at some times. but let's be honest here...if you had to pick between one or the other...what would you pick?

"health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital beds dying of nothing."
-redd foxx


music is dead.

music is NOT dead. to some people i think it is. music will never die...i assure you that. i rest assured there will continue to be people out there like me who will not let that happen. when i hear people say, "dude. omg...i love music. i am so post-modern and you are not. where is my scarf?" it makes me nauseous. what? i hear that all the time. you don't? i guess i'm somewhat of a "music snob." the best way to understand what that means is to watch the movie high fidelity and get to know rob, dick, and barry. now, i'm not saying some of those people who say they love music don't actually love music...but i feel like people really throw that phrase around. maybe it's just the word "love" that's being thrown around. hmmm...that's for a different day.

usually when i think of something in my life...i can pair it with a song or something music related. does that make sense? good. for example: i just heard "work" by jimmy eat world and it immediately reminded me of when i first started dating Emily (now my wife.) futures came out fall 2004 and we started dating that it was playing a lot when we were hanging out. now "this day of change" by run kid run is on and it reminds me of my first day at lincoln christian college because my roommate (he ended up not coming to lcc until the following year, so he was never my roommate) played guitar for them. any song by c.c.r. reminds me of growing up because my parents listened to amazing music (60's and 70's mostly) when i was young. i am convinced that this is at least 60% of the reason i have such a strong passion for music today.

so, i'm listening to pandora right now. i was totally the first one to ever go to even before the people who created it. that's how much i love music. have i mentioned i am a sarcastic person yet? good. i love it how they do so well playing good music based on your first band entry...and then out of left field they'll throw something awful in. why does that happen?

i bet i know more bands than you. maybe i love music so much because i create it, too? i am a musician. and i have a cd that i released july 2008. i love finding new music to influence the way i write. does anyone care? probably 11 or 12 people total.

compilation tapes...or mix tapes as some call them are awesome. of course in my generation these "mix tapes" were mostly "mix cd's," but you get the concept. i used to make tons of them.

Rob: I will now sell five copies of The Three E.P.'s by The Beta Band.
Dick: Go for it. [Rob plays the record]
Customer: Who is this?
Rob: The Beta Band.
Customer: It's good.
Rob: I know.

^ that part of the movie sums this whole blog entry up. amazing music affects people. now if everyone could just agree on what "amazing" music really is and then toss the other crap. that was a bit harsh.


the first post

i'm sure i need to make this first post completely awesome. i can't hold anything back, right? it needs to be filled with loads of humor and mixed in with a little drama maybe? the thing is...i don't really know what to blog about. i'm caught in this whole mindset that no one really cares what i blog about and/or no one will ever see it. i mean c'mon...i don't even use capital letters and i have less than two hundred friends on facebook. that says something about a guy.

the truth is: i love the feeling of putting my complete, personal thoughts/opinions/ideas/beliefs straight from my head out there for anyone to see. i'm a musician, so i mostly do this by writing songs. i sometimes paint, which can work as well. there's something a little different about typing my thoughts word for word and then publishing them to a website for anyone to see. it's not like it takes a lot of courage (no offense to anyone who thinks it does) to do this, but it's still a little exciting.

my goal is not to offend/threaten/upset/hurt/sadden anyone by what i post now or in the future. i simply ask that you take the time to read it and maybe learn a couple things about me while doing so. if you don't like it you don't have to return ever again. i promise i won't be upset. and if you end up liking it...well then you're cool and we can be friends.