listening to the blues is something i love to do. it's interesting that majority of the songs are sad (wonder how they got the name 'blues') but somehow it makes me feel so good. it could be the guitar parts, the amazing vocals, or even the beat of the drums. for some reason...the blues make me feel great!
speaking of the blues...i've been in this crazy running slump for the past few weeks. it's been really hard to go out and run. i know what you're thinking, "well tony...running is hard." although i agree...running has always been something i love to do and have fun almost the whole time doing it (almost = key word). so, for the past few weeks it's been freaking brutal to lace up my shoes and head out the door. it started with my job getting way more stressful/busier last month, so it involved me working longer hours and a lot of saturdays. a lot of my volunteer projects were/are in full swing and that takes up evenings. it's getting darker earlier now so any free evening i do have it's too dark to run by the time i get home. some sunday mornings i can make it out unless we have meetings early at Church and then i don't have time. i also complain a lot and that takes up time when i could be running. hmmm....
this running slump is exactly like listening to the blues. while i listen to one of my favorite blues songs, wednesday evening blues by john lee hooker, i hear him sing about his woman leaving him and a foot tap in the background and i can easily compare it to my running slump. bare with me here...i'm tying this together any second now. step inside my mind for a minute (careful...it's crazy in here) and go for a run with me. if you listen to that song by john lee hooker it starts with a high note played several times and goes into a sweet blues lick. that'd be the time when i'm trying to force myself to lace up my shoes and head out the door. he sings the first line, "you know she left me one wednesday evening..." and now i'm out the door running and it hurts. you can hear his foot tapping in the background so slow and it feels like my feet are hitting the ground at the same time as his. slow. he uses a real basic and simple guitar lick throughout the song. running is real basic and simple. the pain in his voice is like my breathing...i just can't get into a good rhythm like normal. the song is coming to a close and i am approaching the end of my run. nothing has really changed...his woman still left him and i'm still running. the only difference at the end is he got his stress out by playing that blues song and i got it out by making it through my run.
the point i'm trying to make is this (finally): although the blues are mostly sad and right now running is hard for me...i have to keep in mind how the blues (and running) make me feel afterward (which is awesome, remember). i think it was dean karnazes that said, "i've never gone out for a run and felt worse when i finished." this has been the case for me 100% of the time i run. i'm not a genius when it comes to statistics, but i think there's a good chance that next time i go out for a run...i'm gonna feel great when i finish. now where are my running shoes...
10.15.2011
9.29.2011
forever & always
today is emily's 26th birthday. at this point in time i don't think she'll be upset with me for making her age known. i mean, come on...she looks hot these days and i'm pretty confident in saying she always will.
emily and i have been married over four years now and it's been amazing. she's my best friend in the world and i literally want to be with her every second of my life. for all the readers who don't know, emily and i actually met in jr. high when our youth groups hung out. i actually remember the first time i asked my best friend at the time, kyle, who that pretty girl was. he said, "dude, that's emily. why do you like her?" and i did. we were able to hang out off and on a couple times back then in groups, but it wasn't until college years when we actually started dating seriously. so december 28th in 2004 i remember asking emily, "so...um...hey...ya wanna be my girlfriend?"
i remember times of talking on the phone with her for three hours and hanging up and it felt like three minutes.
i remember going to the mall when we were first dating and sitting on a bench to watch people and holding hands.
i remember going to play mini-golf and her kicking my butt...and i was actually trying!
i remember staying up so late before i'd have to make a long drive home watching ridiculous music videos on the television.
i remember our first kiss outside my sister's apartment and what she was wearing.
i remember our wedding day and seeing her in her wedding dress for the first time. yes, i cried.
i remember being upset with her after she fell on the ice right after i told her to be careful.
i remember proposing to her when we were carving pumpkins being SO nervous!
i remember cruising around town listening to music and taking random photo's of things.
i remember going to shows and walking in Chicago.
i remember yesterday when she randomly said, "tony...i love you. i love talking to you." and how it meant to much to me.
i remember today how much i love emily lynn gould and love growing old with her!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!
9.11.2011
911 for love
i remember most of the day. some parts are a little fuzzy...others i remember like they were yesterday. i remember sitting in my classes at school with a tv set to a news stations, watching and listening. it was silent all day as we all walked to our classes. in and out of rooms with a tv on various news stations. i got home from school that day and i remember going straight into the living room where the windows were open and the wind was blowing the curtains around. the weather that day was gorgeous. sunny blue skies in my personal world. i turned on cnn and cried. it breaks my heart to think about the people who were more personally impacted by all that happened that day. the people who lost family, friends, loved ones. to relive it year after year i am sure doesn't get any easier. i pray for everyone impacted in whatever way.
it's hard to talk about forgiveness in situations like what happened on september 11th ten years ago. i recently heard a sermon by james macdonald on the radio on forgiveness and it was really convicting. he referred to Ephesians 4 and how it talks about being kind and compassionate to others, and forgiving them just like God forgives us. in Proverbs it talks about how we're not to pay back someone for the wrong they have done to us and in Leviticus it says for us to forgive, do not hold grudges, and to love your neighbor as yourself. i remember being a kid and thinking that the term 'neighbor' was literal. "oh, all i have to do is love my neighbor as myself? that's easy...i love mr. and mrs. ringger...they're like my grandparents!" then i got older and learned...."oh, neighbor....like, everyone in the world? well that's harder..."
first and foremost, i do not want to sound like i'm taking sides with anyone ever (especially in a situation where people have lost loved ones). all i want is to share the conviction i have been feeling lately...and it is to forgive, even though forgiveness is hard. like, really hard! i'd like to say i could forgive anyone for anything. could i? i pray i can.
when emily and i lived down by st. louis we lived about ten miles from a church where the pastor was gunned down during a service. i remember about a week after that tragedy hearing the amazing story of forgiveness when the pastor's wife was talking about praying for the gunman and forgiving him. i saw on the news a couple months ago a lady who's son was shot and how she ended up helping the gunman get out of jail and now lives next door to her...and she is like a mom to him. these are a couple of stories that i can think of off the top of my head. of course there are a ton more like this.
the fact that these are people like you and me is encouraging, right? the fact that it takes normal people doing radical things to get my attention is sad. why can't loving others and forgiving others be normal? more importantly...it always comes back to love. love for everyone. loving everyone like you love yourself. treating others (everyone on the planet) like you treat yourself. what if the world looked like this? can you imagine? i can. i want it to be that way. all cheesy quotes and sayings about changing the world aside...it's not impossible to love other people!
the following is an excerpt from shane claiborne's book Irresistible Revolution. i found this book really interesting, his words are something i am still processing. you may also find it interesting...or it might anger you. either way...my intentions are not to upset anyone. i just want to share with you my conviction to forgive even when i am irreversibly wronged and my desire to love even though it seems hard.
"I saw a banner hanging next to city hall in downtown Philadelphia that read, "Kill them all, and let God sort them out." A bumper sticker read, "God will judge evildoers; we just have to get them to him." I saw a T-shirt on a soldier that said, "US Air Force... we don't die; we just go to hell to regroup." Others were less dramatic- red, white, and blue billboards saying, "God bless our troops." "God Bless America" became a marketing strategy. One store hung an ad in their window that said, "God bless America--$1 burgers." Patriotism was everywhere, including in our altars and church buildings. In the aftermath of September 11th, most Christian bookstores had a section with books on the event, calendars, devotionals, buttons, all decorated in the colors of America, draped in stars and stripes, and sprinkled with golden eagles.
This burst of nationalism reveals the deep longing we all have for community, a natural thirst for intimacy... September 11th shattered the self-sufficient, autonomous individual, and we saw a country of broken fragile people who longed for community- for people to cry with, be angry with, to suffer with. People did not want to be alone in their sorrow, rage, and fear.
...The tragedy of the church's reaction to September 11th is not that we rallied around the families in New York and D.C. but that our love simply reflected the borders and allegiances of the world. We mourned the deaths of each soldier, as we should, but we did not feel the same anger and pain for each Iraqi death, or for the folks abused in the Abu Ghraib prison incident. We got farther and farther from Jesus' vision, which extends beyond our rational love and the boundaries we have established. There is no doubt that we must mourn those lives on September 11th. We must mourn the lives of the soldiers. But with the same passion and outrage, we must mourn the lives of every Iraqi who is lost. They are just as precious, no more, no less. In our rebirth, every life lost in Iraq is just as tragic as a life lost in New York or D.C. And the lives of the thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six September 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week."
- Shane Claiborne Irresistible Revolution
it's hard to talk about forgiveness in situations like what happened on september 11th ten years ago. i recently heard a sermon by james macdonald on the radio on forgiveness and it was really convicting. he referred to Ephesians 4 and how it talks about being kind and compassionate to others, and forgiving them just like God forgives us. in Proverbs it talks about how we're not to pay back someone for the wrong they have done to us and in Leviticus it says for us to forgive, do not hold grudges, and to love your neighbor as yourself. i remember being a kid and thinking that the term 'neighbor' was literal. "oh, all i have to do is love my neighbor as myself? that's easy...i love mr. and mrs. ringger...they're like my grandparents!" then i got older and learned...."oh, neighbor....like, everyone in the world? well that's harder..."
first and foremost, i do not want to sound like i'm taking sides with anyone ever (especially in a situation where people have lost loved ones). all i want is to share the conviction i have been feeling lately...and it is to forgive, even though forgiveness is hard. like, really hard! i'd like to say i could forgive anyone for anything. could i? i pray i can.
when emily and i lived down by st. louis we lived about ten miles from a church where the pastor was gunned down during a service. i remember about a week after that tragedy hearing the amazing story of forgiveness when the pastor's wife was talking about praying for the gunman and forgiving him. i saw on the news a couple months ago a lady who's son was shot and how she ended up helping the gunman get out of jail and now lives next door to her...and she is like a mom to him. these are a couple of stories that i can think of off the top of my head. of course there are a ton more like this.
the fact that these are people like you and me is encouraging, right? the fact that it takes normal people doing radical things to get my attention is sad. why can't loving others and forgiving others be normal? more importantly...it always comes back to love. love for everyone. loving everyone like you love yourself. treating others (everyone on the planet) like you treat yourself. what if the world looked like this? can you imagine? i can. i want it to be that way. all cheesy quotes and sayings about changing the world aside...it's not impossible to love other people!
the following is an excerpt from shane claiborne's book Irresistible Revolution. i found this book really interesting, his words are something i am still processing. you may also find it interesting...or it might anger you. either way...my intentions are not to upset anyone. i just want to share with you my conviction to forgive even when i am irreversibly wronged and my desire to love even though it seems hard.
"I saw a banner hanging next to city hall in downtown Philadelphia that read, "Kill them all, and let God sort them out." A bumper sticker read, "God will judge evildoers; we just have to get them to him." I saw a T-shirt on a soldier that said, "US Air Force... we don't die; we just go to hell to regroup." Others were less dramatic- red, white, and blue billboards saying, "God bless our troops." "God Bless America" became a marketing strategy. One store hung an ad in their window that said, "God bless America--$1 burgers." Patriotism was everywhere, including in our altars and church buildings. In the aftermath of September 11th, most Christian bookstores had a section with books on the event, calendars, devotionals, buttons, all decorated in the colors of America, draped in stars and stripes, and sprinkled with golden eagles.
This burst of nationalism reveals the deep longing we all have for community, a natural thirst for intimacy... September 11th shattered the self-sufficient, autonomous individual, and we saw a country of broken fragile people who longed for community- for people to cry with, be angry with, to suffer with. People did not want to be alone in their sorrow, rage, and fear.
...The tragedy of the church's reaction to September 11th is not that we rallied around the families in New York and D.C. but that our love simply reflected the borders and allegiances of the world. We mourned the deaths of each soldier, as we should, but we did not feel the same anger and pain for each Iraqi death, or for the folks abused in the Abu Ghraib prison incident. We got farther and farther from Jesus' vision, which extends beyond our rational love and the boundaries we have established. There is no doubt that we must mourn those lives on September 11th. We must mourn the lives of the soldiers. But with the same passion and outrage, we must mourn the lives of every Iraqi who is lost. They are just as precious, no more, no less. In our rebirth, every life lost in Iraq is just as tragic as a life lost in New York or D.C. And the lives of the thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six September 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week."
- Shane Claiborne Irresistible Revolution
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